Reality

For the past years, here are the things that I learned and things that I never thought that could happen.

• ·         The only permanent in this world is change.
• ·         Money is everything. When you have money, you have the power.
• ·         Beauty is another source of intelligence.
• ·         Cared too much, trust too much, it hurts you and people will call you stupid.
• ·         Make an effort a hundred times they’ll remember it, make a mistake once and they will never forget it.
• ·         Love is just a word.
• ·         Promise is like saying “talk to my hand”.
• ·         Saying problems to other people and think that they care for you – it’s a lie. Most of them are happy that you do have that kind of problem.
• ·         People judged easily. But when you’re the one who judge others they’ll call you in a worst name you never even heard before.
• ·         People nowadays are too confident with themselves; they even forgot who they are and where they came from.
• ·         When you have nothing to show off, you don’t belong to a crowd.
• ·         If people want to live in this chaotic society, they tried their best to fit in even if losing their own identity.
• ·         When you’re saying your own opinion they will call you reckless.
• ·         When you ask for help, no one will be there for you.
• ·         Sex is a new way of saying I love you. Love is just an option.
• ·         No matter how hard you beg for the people to stay in your life, they won’t, they will leave you even if you’re in a good or bad shape.
• ·         Marriage is a sacred thing, but for the others, marriage is another meaning to escape from all of the chaos.
• ·         There is no such thing as happily ever after.

When I was a kid I thought being adult is great because they know everything. When I fell in love and give all of my trust, I thought it will be forever, but nothing stays forever. When I lost everything, the only person who stays by my side is my mother. That’s the time I felt life is fucking me so hard, if I don’t fight, I will be staying in a black pit for the rest of my life. I never ask for help, I never discussed what next step shall I be taking instead I just do what I want and take a risk. If I fail, I just said to myself “I’ve been here, I failed once but I get up twice”. If I succeed, well I’m just gonna say thanks and moved on. For me I take problem as another door for opportunities. I like the fact that life and the people around me challenged me, they push me to my limit and that’s great.

Do me a good or bad thing once. I’ll pay you back in double.

Am I?

I do hate this kind of feeling.

It's like what I felt before.

It is the same mistake back four years ago.

When the shadow of my first heart began.

For the past six months.

One thing I realized, I keep coming back to him.

I tried to hide it, I tried to run from it.

But I can't, it tears me apart.

At first I thought it was a game.

But then my heart began to smile again.

I wanna be with him.

I wanna see him always.

I made walls between us because of what he told me before.

But then that walls began to collapsed.

Something behind that wall is ready.

Something behind that is cured.

Wherever I go, I can see his face.

I can smell his scent.

Do I become so soft?

Or just another delusion.

"Oh great am I falling again? It's a scary thing?!!!"

Still Lingers

The reason I get up on bed with a smile.
Amazing how your smell still lingers in my skin.
The reason why I forgot him.
It's all because of you.

Paintbrush.

I believe that everything in this world are connected like our souls that bound to each other, our feelings have a great impact, it's like a knot that can't be broken. Our feelings will continue until our next lives begin. Maybe our grace will changed even our faith but not the feelings.